Time to Run

I'm running the SLC Half-Marathon with my old running partner. She moved away almost a year ago and we thought it would be fun to do a run together. I ran the Ogden Marathon last year and swore I'd never run another marathon again. About 4 weeks ago I was feeling good and thought maybe I could do it again. NOT! Next weekend is the half and I cannot wait for it to come and be over with!

I only have to fun 5 miles today, but I'm dreading it. The weather is finally nice, but it's still just a little too chilly. Either I have to wait until it warms up or bundle up to run now. I really prefer to get my runs over first thing in the morning. By noon if it's not done, it usually isn't getting done! I put it off yesterday....waiting for warmer temps and ended up running out of time. So today I HAVE to run. Why do I hate it so? It's really not a big deal! I think I have not enjoyed these last couple of months running because of the 5 lb weight gain! That might not seem like a big deal, but it is when you're running long distance.

My biggest challenge are my boobs. They're too big right now for running! Last week I ran 13 miles and I have scabs on my boobs where my sports bra rubbed! I feel fat and horrible, so it's so hard to go run. Even though cardio wise I'm in great shape. My mental shape and the shape I see my body in makes me feel like I shouldn't even be able to run around the block. It's amazing how if I "feel" fat....I "act" fat. I feel like I should be sitting around and eating. Which is what I've done to support this mental image. Pretending when I do run, it must have been a dream, because I am too big to run right now.

I seriously have too much alone time on my hands to analyze and criticize myself. I want to be kinder to myself. That's one point of this blog. I want to think 'out loud' so to speak so I can see how ridiculous and selfish I am. Then I'll feel like I talked about it and can move on.

So as much as I'm dreading it. I will run today. I will hate my boobs as I stuff them into a too small sports bra. I will feel great when I'm done and feel like I can conquer the world. I will succumb to my bad habit of hiding in the basement the rest of the beautiful afternoon watching recorded talk shows. Or maybe I'll surprise myself and clean out the suburban!